Filmmakers interested in capturing the crucial “Paul Souders” demographic (marginally-employed childless 30- to 40-year-old males) should ensure their films contain certain elements. The use of these elements, while not a guarantee of success, does however significantly raise the probability that the film in question will be well received. From my perspective, the presence of such elements signals that the film in question will entertain me. Note: “entertain,” not “enlighten,” “enrich,” “educate,” or “spiritually fulfill.” For such purposes I read books. As a rule, the presence of the following elements on a lobby poster or DVD package signals that I will “like” the enclosed film (in no particular order):
- Submarines
- Soviets or Nazis, as villains
- A World War, real or fictional
- Cyborgs, clones or robots
- Gigantic monsters, radioactive, alien or otherwise
- Space ships
- Time travel
- Aliens
- Futuristic dystopias
- Special-effects sequences filmed entirely with miniatures
- Masked villains
- Masked heroes
- Super powers
- Car chases that could actually happen in this universe
- Surprise endings or sudden plot reversals
- Heists or capers
- Double crosses
- Gun fights before 1945
- Femmes fatale
- Ships with sails
- Horses
- Camels
- Swords
- Lost treasures
- Pirates
- Quests
- People who change shape into animals
- Writers who become delusionally entangled in their own creations
- Baseball-as-a-metaphor
- Buddies (not comically mismatched)
- Natural catastrophes
- Atmospheric cinematography
- Establishing sequences
- Broad physical comedy
- Martial arts, not involving the defiance of gravity
Conversely, films marketed as containing certain other elements tend not to do well with me. Although paradoxically a few such films tend also to be among my favorites.
- Historical costumes, esp. pre-WWI
- White people who discover the stoic nobility of, advocate for, educate, or rescue non-white people
- Racial sidekicks
- “Based on the true/life story of...”
- Painters
- Writers, except when delusionally entangled in their own creations
- Voice overs
- Titles that are compelled to use the name of the original author, to differentiate themselves from earlier (and usually better) adaptations
- Gang wars
- Young people defying convention
- Voyages of self-discovery
- Drugs (horrors of, crimes involving, or as instruments of self-discovery)
- Married women spiritually awakened by extramarital affairs
- Life metaphors involving food, gardening, hairstyles or clothes
- Accolades from gay and lesbian critics
- Young women discovering themselves in a tragic fashion
- Grisly crimes
- Non-Japanese cartoons
Finally, many filmmakers employ elements that (I suppose) they think will improve the odds I will enjoy their films. Such elements tend to have no discernible impact on my enjoyment of said films. Some of these films I like, some I dislike; almost all of them I forget immediately:
- Japanese cartoons
- Vampires
- Homicidal maniacs, supernatural or otherwise
- Young naked women
- Motorcycles
- Explosions
- “Based on the graphic novel...”
- Courtrooms or lawyers
- Young women discovering themselves in a comic fashion
- Special-effects sequences filmed entirely with computers
- Cute children
- Buddies (comically mismatched)
- Women whose interest in sports or comic books signals their sexual desirability
- Physics-defying car chases
- Sports, except baseball
- Gun fights after 1945
- Martial arts, involving wires
- Montages
- Meeting cute at 0:23, falling out at 1:10, and reuniting at 1:27
- Rogue cops
- Supernatural events involving the dead
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