I Learned a Lot from my Parents

Published 2007-05-19
  • The Australian crawl
  • The backstroke
  • The Four-in-Hand
  • The half-Windsor
  • The non-necessity of training wheels
  • If you’re bored, read a book
  • Shake hands firmly and make eye contact
  • It’s who you know not what you know
  • Grill a steak less than 1 minute/inch on each side, on a very hot pan
  • Build a fire from the bottom up, inside out
  • Treat every gun like it’s loaded
  • Chew with your mouth shut
  • If you don’t know which utensil to use, look at what everyone else is doing
  • “Righty tighty, lefty loosey”
  • Hitting never solved anything
  • That said, if a bully is picking on you, hit him first and hit him hard
  • Your hick second cousins on the farm are worth millions but those kids at school with the fancy cars and plastic houses whose clothes you admire so much — their parents are bankrupt
  • Your parents had interesting, fulfilling lives before you were even imagined
  • Every human being has dignity and is worthy of respect
  • It’s OK to ask questions
  • Lots of questions don’t have answers
  • Don’t ride the clutch

As I was typing this I thought, “if someone ever asks me to give a commencement address, I will know exactly what to say.”