Paul’s Lazy Substitutes for What The Pros Do
Published 2012-05-14
I started writing a way-too-long blog about the difference between “saddle sores” (noun) and “saddle sore” (adjective). (Short answer: you want to read about it even less than I want to write about it.)
But it got me started thinking about bag balm which is what I use instead of chamois cream, at about 1/1000th the cost.
And that got me thinking about all the weird little rituals and products other Serious Cyclists (especially Cat5 racers like me) do, that I just Do Not Get. I like to think of these things as sympathetic magic that low-cat racers practice, probably because it’s What the Pros Do.
I don’t do What the Pros Do. I am much lazier.
| What the Pros Do | Paul’s Lazy Substitute |
|---|---|
| chamois cream | bag balm |
| embrocation | warmups |
| pre-race trainer warmup | riding your bike to the race |
| winter indoor training | riding your bike in the snow |
| razor-smooth legs | two-week-old stubble |
| compression socks | no socks |
| orthopedic shoe inserts | Odor-Eaters |
| sweatproof sunscreen | sunburn |
| $200 multi-lens wrapparound sunglasses | squinting |
| CO2 air pump | tennis elbow |
| iPod | wind in your ears |
| compressed gel padding | HTFU |
| Sports bar | frozen waffles |
| High glucose gel | jellybeans |
| Demitasse of espresso | Paper cup of Swedish Gasoline |
| “Performance” sports drink | water |
| “Recovery” sports drink | beer |
| postride ice bath | beer |
| leg massage | beer |
Although it bears saying: if it works for you (and/or you enjoy it): more power to you! Also: I have never won a race, ever.
So, YMMV.